Straight Line of the Day: Coming Soon – A Giant Sign on the Moon. It Will Say…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…

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  1. Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…

    …The Dude Abides.

    …See what happens when the rich don’t pay their fair share?

    …McDonald’s next exit. 238,900 miles.

    …This is the result of global warming.


  2. ROMEO
    By yonder blessed moon thread I swear
    That tops all silliness with fruitless tropes–

    O, swear not by the “Sign-on-the-moon” thread, the constant sign-on-the-moon thread,
    That monthly changes in our circle’s orb,
    Lest that thy glibness prove likewise variable.

    What shall I swear by?

    Do not swear at all (on this forum);
    Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy ******* self,
    Which suits the mod for thy idiotry,
    And will relieve thee.


  3. Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises
    Sounds, and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
    Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
    Will hum about mine ears; and sometime voices
    That, if I then had waked after long sleep,
    Will make me sleep again; and then in dreaming,
    The clouds methought would open, and show riches
    Ready to drop upon me, that when I waked
    I cried to dream again.


    • From Wikipedia:

      The Zzyzx Foundation series is a science fiction book series written by American author Isaac Asimov. For nearly thirty years, the series was a trilogy: Zzyzx Foundation, Zzyzx Foundation and Empire, and Second Zzyzx Foundation. It won the one-time Hugo Award for “Best All-Time Series” in 1966. Asimov began adding to the series in 1981, with two sequels: Zzyzx Foundation’s Edge, Zzyzx Foundation and Earth, and two prequels: Prelude to Zzyzx Foundation, Forward the Zzyzx Foundation. The additions made reference to events in Asimov’s Walrus and Empire series, indicating that they were also set in the same fictional universe.


  4. We better be careful here gentlemen. I Googled The Zzyzx Foundation and there really is such a thing. They’re based in California, a state completely overrun with lawsuit happy lawyers…if you get my drift?


  5. Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…

    Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
    And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
    Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
    Rotate your tires.
    Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
    And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
    Know what to kiss, and when.
    Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
    Wherever possible, put people on hold.
    Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
    and despite the changing fortunes of time,
    There is always a big future in computer maintenance.

    You are a fluke of the universe.
    You have no right to be here.
    And whether you can hear it or not,
    The universe is laughing behind your back.

    Remember The Pueblo.
    Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
    Know yourself.
    If you need help, call the FBI.
    Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
    Especially with those persons closest to you –
    That lemon on your left, for instance.
    Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
    Would scarcely get your feet wet.
    Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.
    Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan.
    And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
    Hire people with hooks.
    For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.
    Take heart in the bedeepening gloom
    That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
    And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,
    It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

    You are a fluke of the universe.
    You have no right to be here.
    And whether you can hear it or not,
    The universe is laughing behind your back.

    Therefore, make peace with your god,
    Whatever you perceive him to be – hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
    With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
    The world continues to deteriorate.
    Give up!


    • Wild guess — the filter is probably always on the lookout for the combination “my [that last name],” and either you had something close or else you didn’t, but it thought the “by” in “Gabby {that last name]” was a typo for “my.”

      OK, I’m probably wrong. And I can live with that.


    • Yep, I was wrong. Nice poem. Maybe the filter holds onto anything that says “call the FBI”? Or says “call 606-4311?” Or “make peace with your god”? I can see how experience might have taught website companies that such statements are worth a second look before posting.

      But if I have just gotten away with them, it’s not them, either. I like trying to solve puzzles.


  6. Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…I was at my bank today; there was a short line.

    There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.

    It was obvious she was very irritated ..

    She asked the teller, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?”

    The teller shrugged his shoulders and said,

    The Asian lady says, “Fluc you white people too!”


  7. “All right, that’s enough.

    “I’m charging you both with willful violations of the Not In Front Of The Children Act.

    “The main charge — and this is the cruncher — is steering every bleeding thread toward a long list of criminals from Blazing Saddles, ending in Methodists.

    “It’s a fair cop.”

    — Flying Thompson’s Gazelle of the Yard.


    • I’m laughing so hard I can’t even think of a reply…give me till tomarrow. Although I hope you’ll give me credid for getting that joke above your post past the guardian of the Bridge of Moderation.


  8. Moderator: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of IMAO must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

    zzyzx: Ask me the questions, Moderator. I am not afraid.

    Moerator: What… is your name?

    zzyzx: My name is zzyzx of Alaska.

    Moderator: What… is your quest?

    zzyzx: To seek the post that will not be moderated.

    Moderator: What… is your favourite colour?

    zzyzx: Blue.

    Moderator: Go on. Off you go.

    zzyzx: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.


      • Well, obviously the moderation machine was chagrined at your changed login name.
        Perhaps it thought it came from the moon.
        Like some sort of star child in “2001.”
        A movie I liked.
        It is 50 years old this year. We still don’t have space stations with artificial gravity.
        Judging by the comments in news articles, an equal number of people liked and hated the film.
        That might be the mark of a great piece of art.


  9. Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…

    O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
    What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming,
    Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
    O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
    And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
    Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
    O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
    O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

    On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
    Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
    What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
    As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
    Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
    In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
    ‘Tis the star-spangled banner, O long may it wave
    O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

    And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
    That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion,
    A home and a country, should leave us no more?
    Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
    No refuge could save the hireling and slave
    From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
    And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave,
    O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

    O thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
    Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation.
    Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued land
    Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
    Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
    And this be our motto: ‘In God is our trust.’
    And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
    O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!


    • I hoist my glass of Glenlivet to that…and it’s all thanks to baskets of deplorable type people, and other malcontents such as the vast right wing conspiracy and of course white women who had to vote in the manner their husbands or sons told them to vote. She did however carry California and the muckadoo vote. At this point though…what difference does it make as long as she’s not in the oval office….ever.


  10. Alas gentlemen…you both have a valid point there…and sadly one I can’t argue with. However, there is nothing I can do to stop the misuse of my federal tax money, or to keep California from letting illegals vote. If I could…believe me, I damn sure would. It’s a FUBAR situation I find our nation in and I see no bright future ahead for my children and grand children. But hey!!! On the plus side, I have the last post on this thread…at least for the moment!


  11. 397#

    There is no way you can prove that you know. I am sure a stray astronomical object of two may have impacted the surface somewhere. It is statistically highly probable.


  12. Okay, okay I’ll come clean! It’s just a few craters away from the secret base established on the Moon by Nazis fleeing the end of World War II. It’s at 22 degrees; 42’38.46 N and 142 degrees; 34’44.52 E. Of course now that you’re privy to this info you’ll have to live the rest of your life as I do…one step ahead of the men in black…good luck.


  13. Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…

    I think thls is how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough, let’s go west.


  14. Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…

    … “Those lunar landers have been here pretty long and haven’t ordered anything yet; but we’re afraid to ask them to leave.” — Starbuck’s Barren Lunar Landscape


  15. Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…

    Few people can hate so bitterly, or so self-righteously as members of the leftest ruling caste which is in the process of being dispossessed.


  16. Coming soon – a giant sign on the moon. It will say…

    I’m drowning in a whiskey river,
    Bathing my mem’ried mind in the wetness of its soul.
    Feeling the amber current flowin’ from my mind.
    And warm an empty heart you left so cold.


  17. Cold hearted orb that rules the night,
    Removes the colours from our sight,
    Red is gray and yellow white,
    But we decide which is right.
    And which is an illusion?
    Pinprick holes in a colourless sky,
    Let insipid figures of light pass by,
    The mighty light of ten thousand suns,
    Challenges infinity and is soon gone.
    Night time, to some a brief interlude,
    To others the fear of solitude.
    Brave Helios wake up your steads,
    Bring the warmth the countryside needs.


  18. So…the Iranians have been making signs on the moon eh? Well I’m not an Iranian, and you’re not an Iranian, so that only leaves Oppo. After all, he’s the only one who hangs around here other than you and I. Therefor I suggest we send him to Gitmo…just incase.


      • Because it is?

        “Easy From Now On” – Emmylou Harris

        There he goes gone again
        Same old story’s gotta come to an end
        Lovin’ him was a one way street
        But I’m gettin’ off where the crossroads meet
        It’s a quarter moon in a ten cent town
        Time for me to lay my heartaches down
        Saturday night gonna make myself a name
        Take a month of sundays to try and explain

        It’s gonna be easy to fill
        The heart of a thirsty woman
        Harder to kill the ghost of a no good man
        And I’ll be ridin’ high in a fandangled sky
        It’s gonna be easy; It’s gonna be easy from now on

        Raw as whip but clean as a bone
        Soft to touch when you take me home
        When the mornin’ comes and it’s time for me to leave
        Don’t worry ’bout me, I got a wild card up my sleeve

        It’s gonna be easy to fill
        The heart of a thirsty woman
        Harder to kill the ghost of a no good man
        And I’ll be ridin’ high in a fandangled sky
        It’s gonna be easy, It’s gonna be easy
        It’s gonna be easy from now on