Trump Truths: Prediction

During his 2020 re-election campaign, President Trump will post a Tweet that offends absolutely no one. As prophesied in the Book of Revelation.

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Trump Truths: Conversion

If President Trump visited an island in the Indian Ocean, he would successfully convert all the inhabitants to Christianity. But not to a sect that prohibits legalized gambling.

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Trump Truths: Peace

President Trump insulted North Korea’s Kim Jong Un on Twitter until the commie dictator eventually surrendered his nuclear ambitions. To ensure world peace, Trump may need to start calling Eric Swalwell “Rocket Man”.

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Trump Truths: RBG

Although President Trump does enjoy trolling the left, there is no truth to the rumor that he’s actually proposed replacing Ruth Bader Ginsburg with Ruth Bader Ginsburg just to see how CNN will oppose it.

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Trump Truths: Amendments

President Trump taking away Jim Acosta’s press pass may have been a violation of Acosta’s 5th Amendment rights, but surely being forced to quarter a #Resistance foot-soldier in the White House was a violation of Trump’s 3rd.

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Trump Truths: Retail

Black Friday is the one day a year when any halfway decent retailer can end the day with an honest profit. Under President Trump, every day is Black Friday.

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คาสิโนฟรีไม่มีเงินฝากถอนได้2019Trump Truths: Unemployment

President Trump was accused of pandering to demographics after vowing to build a border moat in addition to the border wall in an effort to reduce unemployment among Alligator-Americans.

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Trump Truths: Energy

President Trump’s clean energy solution: find a way to harness the energy of Democrats clutching their pearls ever time Trump tweets.

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Trump Truths: Recount

Some people, like President Trump, have the ability to walk into a room where an election recount is happening, and make every phony ballot suddenly burst into flames. This is likely how the great Chicago fire happened.

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Trump Truths: MAGA

As an origin story, the first time Donald Trump put on a MAGA hat parallels closely with the first time Tony Stark put on the Iron Man suit, except Trump’s story ends up with way more dead terrorists.

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Trump Truths: Drill

After hearing Obama say “we can’t drill our way out of this energy crisis,” President Trump responded by dipping a voodoo doll into a barrel of crude and stabbing it through the heart with a knife made out of hydraulically fractured shale.

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Trump Truths: Doubled

It’s funny that Twitter doubled their allowable entry character length under President Trump. He’d have been fine if they’d cut it in half, because all he needs to defeat any opponent is enough characters for a good two-word nickname.

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Trump Truths: Fake

The media acts very offended whenever President Trump tweets that they’re “fake news”. However, President Trump is a billionaire who sleeps with supermodels, and the legacy media is competing for people’s attention against a billion free funny cat videos. Guess who’s going to lie because they’re afraid they’ll get dollar-bought like Newsweek if they don’t?

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Trump Truths: Speech

The US Constitution’s First Amendment says that you can say whatever you want, and the government can’t stop you. However, it also says the government can’t stop President Trump from taking to Twitter and beating you like a rented mule if what you said was stupid.

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Trump Truths: Movies

While most people are aware of Donald Trump’s cameo in “Home Alone 2”, few people recognized him in “Aliens” where he played the nuke that was dropped from orbit.

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